CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Local landlord Larry McNulty was compelled to raise rent to cover the ever-rising cost of never doing anything whatsoever, confirmed sources who were already looking for a new place to live.

“It’s expensive sitting on your ass all day,” said the cash-strapped McNulty. “My rental properties only generate $35,000 a month, which is barely enough to cover my house, vacation home, three cars, yacht, and horse stabling fees. If I don’t raise rent, it’s going to become more and more difficult to ignore the maintenance requests I receive. It’s an extremely hard job that I have to do. Sure, I contract out almost everything and still make an absurd amount of money. But with the economy the way it is, I can barely afford my private jet.”

The plight of the landlord did not go

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