Welp, your sole pair of Wranglers that you wear to work, shows, dates, restaurants, and even funerals now has a hole in it. We would advise patching it up, but you certainly don’t have the mental wherewithal for that. Instead, we’ll introduce you to 5 lesser-known thrash metal bands so you can at least adopt the lifestyle you’re now cluelessly appropriating. What else are you going to do, buy a new pair? Yeah right.

Hirax

These Orange County thrashers have released 6 full-length LPs since — sorry, how old are you? How have you made it this far in life without obtaining a simple sewing kit? We’re happy to introduce you to all these killer bands, but honestly, you need to get your shit together. Anyway, Hirax’s first album dropped in 1985, and they’re still going strong today. Check them o

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