Which Hampton Are You?

Ah, summer. The season where New Yorkers pack their tennis whites and Hermès Oran sandals into a leather weekender; throw it in the back of a Blacklane, Blade, or their own Range Rover; and head out to Hamptons. (As Chuck Bass says in the canonical Gossip Girl episode “Summer, Kind of Wonderful”: “What’s a jitney?”)

Well, uh, the generationally wealthy ones anyway. The rest of us? We’re stuck in a city that smells like microwaved garbage, wondering what white collar crime or Anna Nicole Smith-style marriage we’ve gotta commit to afford a house in a town where the median sales price is $24.9 million.

Like me! For years, I’ve been a guest—never a resident—in the Hamptons. Instead, I twiddle my thumbs in my apartment until I get that text from that friend inviting me to that house