WASHINGTON, D.C. - Reports indicate that President Joe Biden is desperately searching for 8,000 troops to reinforce Ukraine's border that don't have myocarditis. After mandating that only vaccinated soldiers can serve in the military, finding troops with healthy hearts has proven difficult.

"Listen up, folks! We need 800 million, I mean 8 thousand troops sent to Ukraine. But here's the deal, we need 'em to have hearts that don't explode!" said Biden while meeting with top military personnel. "So c'mon I don't care where you have to look or how you do it, but somehow find me 8,000 healthy troops ASAP!"

Charged with the straightforward task, the Generals began to make some phone calls. Sources say that the Generals immediately contacted every branch of the military, even Space Force, but t

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