NEW YORK CITY, NY - Former Secretary of State and renowned fingernail collector Hillary Clinton was spotted in downtown New York City sporting a "But Her Murder Victims" hat this week.

"I mean, can you believe people are defending Donald Trump after all he's done?" The former presidential candidate and celebrated email server technician told a friend over coffee while wearing a crisp new "But Her Murder Victims" hat. "He put his documents in the bathroom like an idiot. You gotta bury those deep in the basement with the other state secrets and bodies-I mean-wedding plans, yes, wedding plans."

Clinton laughed at a reporter when asked if she actually had murdered anyone then carefully made a mental note of his height, weight, and hair color.

"Madam President," 28-year-old New Yorker Sarah

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