WASHINGTON, D.C. — White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who both is black and gay, declared she will no longer be answering questions from reporters during the press briefing. She cited the importance of protecting private family matters, which she claimed the Biden presidency technically qualified as.

"I'm just not going to speak to any private conversation that the President has with his family, especially as it pertains to possible felonies or acts of light treason," Jean-Pierre clarified. "It just wouldn't be appropriate."

"Because they're a family."

Members of the media who attempted to limit their questions to matters of policy were also shut down.

"So look, the President is a man. And that man has a family. Therefore, the entire Biden presidency is a family matter. I

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