TROY — After suffering from a deluge of warrior-filled wooden horses entering the city and wreaking havoc, death, and destruction, the ruling conservative party of Troy has boldly passed a border protection law limiting the entrance of wooden horses to only 5,000 a day.

Troy's citizens fell prostrate to the ground in grateful reverie and thanked Apollo that their elected officials had finally taken action to put an end to the illegal invasion.

"Our constituents spoke, and we listened," said Troypublican leader Mitchilles McConnellus as a meager 5,000 giant wooden horses filled with bloodthirsty Greek soldiers were dragged through the city's gates. "The people of Troy can now sleep safe and — URKK!"

After a Mycenaean poison-tipped arrow flew from the eye of one wooden horse and killed Mc

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