How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

My ex and I were very wild, experimental, open, and unapologetic. And we went through a “phase” for about two years.

We were “content creators.” In a short period of time, we uploaded over 100 videos to a popular adult site. We broke up and are working to take the videos down (which is not always easy to do).

We thought we did a good job keeping our secret lives under wraps, but the word got out. Lots of people know. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of what we did, to be clear, but we did not think through all of the potential consequences of our actions. People talk, and the word got around.

I was talking to a close female friend just yes

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