It’s easy to condemn Carrie Bradshaw for sneaking around with Big behind Aidan’s back on Season 3 of Sex and the City (or, for that matter, Aidan cheating on Carrie with his ex-wife years later on And Just Like That… ), but the issue of cheating in actual, non-televised relationships can be a lot harder to parse. Nobody wants to be cheated on, and most of us don’t want to cheat—but it happens —and it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.

Below, get all the info you need on cheating, including what can lead to it, how experts like Esther Perel view it, and how to rebuild a relationship in the aftermath of its incidence. (That is, if you want to; you’re also always justified in walking out triumphantly, Nicole Kidman–post–signing–divorce–papers style .)

How common is cheat

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