TALLAHASSEE, FL - Local Florida second-grader Brad Smulders is heartbroken in the wake of Florida passing a new parental rights bill, as he will now have to wait until 4th grade to receive his state-endorsed trans indoctrination and grooming.

"Math and reading are boooring!" he complained. "I want to learn about the gender unicorn and hear stories read by that fun old man in the dress who dances sings and teaches us naughty words and shows us how to put on makeup while sitting on his lap! Waaaaaa!"

Many education experts worry that starting gender indoctrination at age 9 may be too late to confuse young children and encourage promiscuity in order to get them into the Planned Parenthood sales pipeline. "What DeSantis has done in Florida is horrific," said one school superintendent. "Gen Z

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