PHOENIX, AZ — After collecting data from thousands of toilets across the country, dog scientists have definitively determined that toilet water contains essential nutrients not found in a water bowl.

"Water bowls simply do not provide adequate nutrition for the canine community," said Dr. Hairy Pawter. "For the zinc, phosphorous, and clostridium every dog needs, nothing beats a nice, full toilet."

Dr. Pawter expressed optimism that the findings would help reduce the long-standing stigma surrounding toilet water. "For years, dogs have been shamed by their owners for drinking out of the commode," said Dr. Pawter. "We have even been subjected to bigoted accusations of being 'disgusting' and 'horrifically nauseating'. I hope the big people will at last realize we are only guilty of supportin

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