WASHINGTON D.C. - In a long-awaited move toward modernity, the United States Justice System is shutting down all brick-and-mortar courthouses and moving exclusively to Twitter. "This is where the country has been headed for years," said Jack Dorsey, CEO of Twitter. "Twitter is where real justice happens, and it doesn't take weeks, months, even years. It can get the job done in minutes." His comments were met with enthusiastic applause.

Dorsey said that administrative members of the court system had been in contact with him after seeing the expediency of justice on Twitter in recent months. From James Gunn to Rosanne Barr, and now Brett Kavanaugh, justice is doled out at breakneck speed with multiple new cases coming up daily. "Twitter can even handle small domestic disputes, landlord quib

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