He reads bell hooks, buys ethically sourced oat milk, and wears linen with a smug sort of grace. He compliments your shadow work journal and always asks for consent. On paper, he’s the dream. But according to relationship experts—and thousands of TikTokers—he might just be performing emotional intelligence like he knows everyone’s watching.

The “performative male” is the latest toxic dating trope surfacing on TikTok, where videos racking up millions of views show soft-spoken guys sipping matcha, reading on escalators, or winning imaginary boyfriend contests.

3 Subtle Signs You’re Dating a ‘Performative Male’

He seems emotionally available, but that’s the act. “You might find he’s simply selling the illusion of emotional depth, without actually putting in any real effort,” says Sara Tang

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