How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

A few months ago, an acquaintance and I started a friends-with-benefits arrangement. Neither of us is looking to date: I’m moving for work in two months, and he’s been transparent that his parents’ divorce turned him off from relationships. But his actions are seriously confusing.

Mostly it’s been great. We have amazing chemistry, similar kinks, he’s fun in and out of bed, and things kind of mesh. The problem is that sex with him is incredibly intimate, and it’s only getting more intense.

He has to have eye contact, and lots of slow, intense moments. He wants to talk out and try all the kinky/weird/selfish things I’ve ever wanted but been

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