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Becoming a parent is a big decision, and making the decision to not parent is even larger. Rarely are adoptive parents aware that their efforts to become parents end up colluding with systems whose processes may perpetuate harm on the birth parents and the children they love. And there are few people, if any, to hold and care for those who realize they are unable to parent. I would come to learn all this through the adoption process , but the conversation is being ignited on social media after Millie Bobby Brown announced on Aug. 21 that she and husband Jake Bongiovi had adopted a baby girl.

I am a parent to two children: a 16-year-old son who was adopted at 5 months, and a 9-year-old, conceived via the support of donor sperm . When I began the adopt

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