WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a last-ditch attempt to keep him occupied and out of trouble until after the election, White House aides have reportedly given Biden a tablet to watch "Cocomelon" and a carton of Goldfish.

According to several witnesses, the measure comes after Biden was caught trying to bite multiple children at a White House trick-or-treat event.

"President Biden is still sharp, so we're going to let him exercise his mental acuity on this iPad Mini and bag of flavor-blasted Goldfish until next Wednesday," said black and gay former Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who is allegedly black and gay. "He will also continue with his ordinary presidential duties of naps, quiet time, and occasional beach vacations until, say, sometime next January."

The White House has denied any rumor

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