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If you have a crushing burden of debt weighing down your life, you need to get out fast. But how?

The Babylon Bee is here to help out with the following list of surefire ways to get out of debt ASAP:

Take a job driving for Uber as a front for your REAL business — harvesting the organs of your passengers for sale on the black market: Just remember to watch out for fierce competition in LA and Chicago.

Start your own Ponzi scheme: You'll be rolling in Benjamins in no time with only a slight chance of being indicted and sentenced to decades in federal prison.

Remind all your creditors that money isn't real, man: It's just a made-up societal construct.

Search your closet and find that 1st edition Beanie Baby you've been saving for years: Time to cash i

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