SPOKANE, Wash. — Local anxiety-sufferer Eno Patrice upped his attempt at his daily mental health walk to a mental health sprint after being chased by nine rabies-infected dogs, sources confirmed while running for their dear lives as well.

“Damn that therapist telling me that calming strolls would clear my head and lead to a more enriching life. You call this enriched? It makes me so mad I could rip everything to shreds with my own teeth! In fact, I’m gonna get started on that right now! Grrrrrr!” rasped Patrice, from within his quarantined space. “Once all my wounds heal, I stop my irrational fear of water, and I can start in-person sessions again, I just may bite that guy myself.”

The owner of the dangerous canines, local insane person Harley Toth, didn’t seem to grasp the gravity of th

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