Everyone knows that Russian spies are hiding behind every corner, every bush, every garbage can. In fact, recent studies have shown that up to 28% of the U.S. population may be undercover for Putin, unbeknownst to them. That's right, there are millions of Russian spies in the U.S. who don't even realize they are Russian spies. Doctors now recommend getting checked once every six months to ensure you haven't suddenly developed ties to Mother Russia.

So what are the telltale symptoms that you're an international super-spy deep undercover with nefarious plans to influence the United States' electoral process to eventually topple the West and establish the glorious reign of the Motherland?

1.) You often wake up from a fugue state with fractured memories of swimming deep under the icy waves o

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