President Donald Trump complained on Monday that he can’t yet claim crime has been completely eradicated through his federal takeover of Washington, D.C. Why, you might ask? Well, the president — who vowed during the 2024 election to protect women whether they “ like it or not ” — says that the local authorities continue to include domestic-violence cases in their crime statistics, which he suggested are throwing the numbers off. How dreadfully inconvenient!

“There’s no crime. They said crime is down 87 percent — no, no, no, it’s more than 87 percent, virtually nothing,” Trump said during a speech about religious liberty at the Museum of the Bible. “Much lesser things, things that take place in the home they call crime, you know — they’ll do anything they can to find something. If

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