U.S. — The entirety of the American higher education system has officially been designated a terrorist organization by the United States federal government.

Intelligence officials stated that the university system met all of the criteria for designation, including extremist indoctrination, promoting violence, and murdering dissidents.

"It checks all the boxes," said Secretary of State Marco Rubio. "Honestly, just charging $200,000 for a Sociology degree really should qualify as terrorism. They've gone even further, setting up literal training campsites, advocating violence, and targeting specific populations. No one has churned out more terrorists or terrorism supporters than the American university system. Plus, they still offer Sociology degrees. Horrifying."

College administrators ac

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