UNDISCLOSED - At a private event, representatives of various organized crime groups came forward to request that the press stop referring to them as "the Mob" because of the negative connotation of the word thanks to recent political events.

"When people hear about 'the Mob'," said Joey "the Ice Pick" Polino, "they now think of people mindlessly screeching about some red versus blue political nonsense. No one even understands what those people want, while we in the Mafia are very clear about what we want: money."

Al "Big Mouth" Venturo agreed. "What's the first word in organized crime? Organized. We're not just idiots screaming at people in restaurants like the mobs you see nowadays. I mean, occasionally we kill people in restaurants, but it's all well planned out and actually accomplish

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