New parent advice: We're about to adopt a little boy. People's responses to that are honestly flooring me.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

My spouse and I are on a difficult journey through infertility struggles. We’ve had some pregnancy losses, and we’re currently pursuing treatment. During this time, we also became foster parents, with the goal of helping parents and children to reunify (privately, I felt that channeling my grief into helping other parents would be healing).

Our most recent foster case has transitioned to adoption. We love our soon-to-be son, though we had no idea he’d become legally ours when the case began. Suddenly, I’m very self-conscious about how this looks from the outside. I don’t personally believe that adoption is a solution for infertility, and our little