WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a welcome bit of good news for government bureaucrats hiding out from DOGE, experts have determined that AI is unlikely to replace their jobs any time soon, as it's not soulless enough.

According to a team of computer experts, large-language models such as Grok or Chat-GPT do not pose a job threat to government bureaucrats, since the AI has far too much humanity and compassion to perform well in those sorts of jobs.

"We estimate that it would take about 30 to 40 years at the current rate to get AIs to do work as dreary and soul-sucking as that of the average Washington paper pusher," said Jeff Blackwell, the lead computer scientist on the team. "We tried to get AI to do some basic government work, but it kept shutting down out of sheer despair after a minute or two.

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