CHICAGO, IL — As top Democratic political leaders and influencers gathered in the Windy City for the week, the Democratic National Convention dyed the Chicago River red to celebrate abortion.

The decision was made to make the river blood-colored for the party's convention as a striking visual to emphasize the Democrats' unending commitment to slaughtering defenseless babies in as large of quantities as possible.

"Turning the Chicago River blood-red is the perfect way to celebrate our party's national convention and remind everyone just how excited we get about killing babies," said DNC Chair Jaime Harrison. "We're just bummed we couldn't use actual baby blood. Keep killin' those babies, folks!"

In addition to administering free vasectomies and abortions as part of the convention's festi

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