HOUSTON, TX — The baseball world breathed a sigh of relief as notorious criminal Angel Hernandez was finally apprehended in Houston last night and charged with hundreds of egregious crimes against humanity.

"It's all on video, bub," said Officer Bill Stephens has he shoved Hernandez into the patrol car. "We've got seven horrific felonies on tape just tonight. It's over, pal."

An umpire since the 1990s, Angel Hernandez somehow eluded capture for decades while committing progressively more brazen crimes across dozens of states. Despite a massive public outcry over Hernadez's vicious transgressions against all that is sacred and holy in this world, authorities remained a step behind Hernandez for years. Police repeatedly blamed Hernandez's slipperiness on something called an "Umpire Union".

See Full Page