NASHVILLE, TN — In a stunning change to the bylaws that have served as the bedrock for the denomination for decades, the Southern Baptist Convention voted to lift its longstanding ban on sex after marriage.

The move came after mounting pressure from congregants who wanted to enjoy the benefits of married life within the confines of God's prescribed order, with SBC leadership coming around to agree that married couples should, in fact, be allowed to have sex.

"After extensive study, we've concluded that God probably didn't mean for marriage to be a passionless contract of mutual chore endurance," said SBC President Clint Pressley, nervously adjusting his tie. "We're calling it ‘The Great Reawakening.' It's like the Great Awakening, but with romantic lighting and Barry White."

The officia

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