SEATTLE, WA — Tragedy struck the city of Seattle today as Minnesota Governor Tim Walz quickly walked by a polygraph machine near a campaign event and caused it to explode.

"I'm such a knucklehead sometimes, but I am definitely not a Chinese asset," Walz said as he walked by a lie detector, causing it to blow up due to sheer proximity.

The explosion reportedly decimated a 3-block section of the downtown area, causing significant traffic delays on State Route 520 and Interstate 5. The Seattle Police Department advised the public to shelter in place as rescue workers secured the area.

Experts claimed the polygraph never would have exploded if not for the increased instability caused by Tim Walz's constantly waving arms. "The combination of Walz's erratic gyrations and deceptive nature was

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