With all of the debate raging over the Department of Government Efficiency requiring all federal employees to respond to an email with a list of things they did during the week, everyone has been left to wonder… what exactly did all of them do last week?

Thanks to high-ranking connections, The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of some of the things that responding government employees said they accomplished last week:

Responded to this email: Following directions is a top priority.

Hid in the janitor's closet from the DOGE guys: Sometimes it's best just to be honest.

Completed a game of Minesweeper on the highest difficulty: This type of genius should always have a job in the federal government.

Proofread a new series of instructional transsexual comic books for Guatema

See Full Page