Whoops, how excruciating. You can show your face again, but I wouldn’t venture to the same theatre any time soon in case an usher recognises you, and points and laughs.

Is this problem becoming more common? It seems to be. I went to a big opening night recently for a dazzling and glamorous new play called The Party Girls , about the Mitford sisters . There was a particularly poignant moment when Nancy was talking to Unity, not long after she’d shot herself, when the latter was likened to a puppy because the lodged bullet had left her incontinent, with a mental age of 10, and Nancy was saying something very moving when 'TRING TRING!' Two rows in front of me, a mobile went off.

The audience member panicked, as we all might, hissed ‘S**t!’ and started rummaging frantically in her bag as

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