Naming a baby used to mean picking between Grandma’s middle name and whatever was trending on the playground. Now, you can shell out $30k to a woman in San Francisco who, apparently, creates the “perfect” identity for your baby.

Taylor A. Humphrey has made a full-time career out of naming other people’s kids. She isn’t scrolling through a baby book and picking at random. Humphrey, 37, runs what amounts to a boutique naming agency, complete with spreadsheets, questionnaires, and tiered packages that climb from a $200 email to a $30,000 “VIP treatment.”

“There’s a lot more to this job than people realize,” Humphrey told the San Francisco Chronicle. She started posting about her obsession with names more than a decade ago, back when her services cost closer to $1,500.

In 2020 alone, she na

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