NEW YORK, NY - NBC Sports reported a dramatic decline in ratings for their Winter Olympics programming, earning them the coveted gold medal for Olympic Ratings Dive.

Chairman Pete Bevacqua of NBC Sports proudly accepted the medal on behalf of the network, though he did so remotely due to China's stringent border policy.

"It's an honor to compete," said Bevacqua, a glint of tears in his triumphant eyes. "Our entire team has been dedicated to alienating viewers for many years now, and it's amazing to be recognized for all our hard work."

Infront Sports & Media AG were the frontrunners for this particular event because they own broadcasting rights to the Sahara Desert where no one has a TV. However, NBC Sports programming, which applauded trans-snowboard slalom activism and praised China a

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