WASHINGTON, D.C. — Joe Biden's pledge during the 2020 Presidential Election to restore decency and integrity to the White House has been fulfilled, as testing revealed the cocaine found on the premises this week was truly of the highest quality.

"It is this administration's policy to maintain the highest standards," said Karine Jean-Pierre, a black gay White House Press Secretary who made history as a gay person who is black and works as the White House Press Secretary. "The American people deserve to feel confident that any cocaine found within the presidential residence will only be of the very finest kind."

Word spread quickly after a substance discovered at the White House tested positive as cocaine. With suspicions immediately raised that the presence of the cocaine happened to coin

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