WASHINGTON, D.C. - Congress's impeachment inquiry got off to a slow start, with a bunch of people just droning on about "quid pro quo" or something, but things soon got exciting when President Trump marched into the hearing wielding a broadsword and announced, "I demand trial by combat!"

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi then explained to the president that they hadn't actually determined whether there would be a trial yet, but Trump was undeterred, once again bellowing, "Trial by combat!"

An argument ensued over whether such a thing was allowed, but Trump insisted, "It's right there in the Constitution. I can have a trial by combat." Everyone at the hearing admitted they had never actually read the Constitution so they couldn't verify what Trump had said, but many agreed that it "sounds

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