DES MOINES, IOWA — Local police have taken in the man who reportedly entered the Iowa State Capitol and rained destruction upon the satanic statue of Baphomet, cutting off its head epically and gloriously with a chainsaw. According to law enforcement, the man said his name was "Doom Guy".

While local authorities debated on whether or not it was constitutional to remove the demonic statue on display in the Iowa capitol building, it seems Doom Guy had his own interpretation of those constitutional principles: if it looks demonic, it's getting a double-barreled dose of justice.

"I was just out for a walk when suddenly a rift tore through reality and out walked this behemoth of a man wearing head-to-toe green armor and armed to the teeth," said one bewildered onlooker at the Capitol. "Next t

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