Iam sure you will be relieved to know that our country's interests in the Bahamas now will be in the capable hands of ... wait, I have it here somewhere ... oh, yes ... Herschel Walker. That's right, the former Heisman Trophy-winning running back from Georgia and pal of the current prez who made a bid for the U.S. Senate as a Republican in 2022 only to lose amid accusations from two different women that he had pressured them into getting abortions, and who dazzled voters with his meditation on whether it's better to be a vampire or a werewolf .

Obviously as part of its galaxy-brained strategy to "win" the ongoing government shutdown, Senate Republicans finagled the filibuster rules in order to confirm more than a hundred administration appointees, including Walker's. We now have a

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