For her third straight streaming effort, Keira Knightley is a crusading journalist cosplaying as Miss Marple in The Woman in Cabin 10, a whodunnit whose mystery will be quickly solved by any viewer capable of staying awake through the film’s first 20 minutes.

As far as Agatha Christie wannabes go, Simon Stone’s Netflix feature, premiering Oct. 10, is near the bottom of the barrel, doing nothing right—but plenty wrong—on its way to revelations that would cause the Queen of Crime to throw up her hands in exasperation. A thriller in name only, it has all the grace and cunning of an anvil to the head.

The Woman in Cabin 10 was written by Stone, Joe Shrapnel and Anna Waterhouse based on an Emma Frost adaptation of Ruth Ware’s novel, and that lineage is the most inscrutable thing about this v

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