How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

My wife and I have been married for 11 years, together for 14, and we have two kids. I thought everything in our marriage was fine, but two days ago she made an announcement that left me reeling.

She suddenly said she has been sexually dissatisfied for the past seven years—and my options are either to allow her to open the marriage or to end it. My pleas for us to attend couples’ therapy have been brushed off. What can I do?

—Stunned Spouse

Dear Stunned Spouse,

Well, it seems like you can agree to the open marriage or end it. That sounds like an ultimatum to me. What’s disturbing about the situation is its surprise—it sounds like your wi

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