Iam someone who believes olive green can serve as a “pop of color” and that a full face of makeup takes blush, mascara, brow gel, and three minutes. I have not owned a bottle of foundation since I was 22. The idea of having to double-cleanse fills me with dread. I have never even streamed the Brat album in full.

So when I realize that the club-kid makeup aesthetic I most associate with Paris Hilton circa 2002 (silver dress, smudged black shadow—you know the photo) seems to have captured the divided attention of the TikTok generation, and that brands like Christian Dior, Alexander McQueen, and Christian Siriano have championed the look at recent shows, I almost panic. But then I shrug.

How nice, I think. For them.

I’m 33. I have a child. Trends—low-rise jeans, Labubu dolls—come and go

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