WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden addressed an increasingly divided nation Tuesday morning to remind everyone that he's doing a great job.

"Look, here's the deal. I'm doing a great job," he said, tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm a hard worker. Always have been since I got my start driving mack trucks through the deep coal mines of Scranton, Pennsylvania."

The president gave his address from a replica of the Oval Office because the actual president, VP Kamala Harris, was busy signing executive orders in Biden's name, say sources. The larger set allowed for the use of a large teleprompter that Biden's failing eyesight could still make out.

"I promise you I'll always be straight with you, Jackie Chan," Biden told the American public. "Not a joke. Not sure what that word is. Pass. End of

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