HOUSTON, TX — After a second whistleblower revealed evidence of Texas Children's Hospital illegally performing sex-change procedures on young kids, hospital CEO "Pennywise" has issued a statement denying all wrongdoing.

"We are guilty of nothing except providing excellent, affirming healthcare for children. And, of course, handing out red balloons," said Pennywise, covered in blood and still clutching a balloon. "This is the face of innocence."

Texas Children's Hospital has come under scrutiny as reports surfaced of doctors mutilating children despite the Texas legislature repeatedly declaring child mutilation illegal. "Mutilate? No! We simply take the fears of children about their bodies, and we feed on -- excuse me, we treat them," said Pennywise, smiling. "And we keep on treating and

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