LOS ANGELES, CA - In an Oscars first, Dr. Anthony Fauci has won the Oscar for "Best Dramatic Performance," making him the first non-actor to receive such an award.

"From the first time we heard him say the word 'droplets,' we hung on his every word," said hilarious Oscars host Amy Schumer. "He captured us with his enthralling, soulful performance, so much so that we blindly did everything he told us to do for two whole years. Never has there been a more influential actor. This year's award for 'Best Dramatic Performance' goes to Anthony Fauci."

Hundreds of Pfizer execs seated throughout the room stood to their feet and cheered as Fauci walked to the stage to accept the award as the orchestra played "Marche Funèbre" by Chopin.

"Thank you for this great honor," said Fauci. "I humbly accep

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