MILWAUKEE, WI — Insiders at that Republican National Convention just revealed that Trump's address to the convention tonight will be frequently interspersed with numerous, unpredictable, and randomly spaced rapid head turns.

Reportedly, the technique is meant to help increase Trump's rhetorical appeal and effectiveness, in addition to helping his head avoid any stray bullets which may happen to find themselves in the vicinity of the convention center stage.

"It's like Public Speaking 101," said a Trump campaign staffer, who spoke on condition of anonymity. "You use open body language, speak loudly and clearly, and randomly turn your head this way and that very swiftly in order to avoid assassination attempts. Simple! The Don isn't so much taking precautions as using effective oratorical

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