FAO: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Dear Occupant,

Let me begin this letter with an apology. Since you moved in next door nine months ago, I have been meaning to stop by with a plate of my famous oatmeal raisin cookies in order to introduce myself. I’m sorry I haven’t done so, and I’m doubly sorry that we’re meeting now under difficult circumstances. Nevertheless, I’m obligated to write to you now because you may be President of the United States, but I am President of the local Homeowner’s Association. And I think we both know which title, well, trumps the other.

A couple of days ago, I awoke to the sound of heavy machinery. I’d been out the day before attending my local No Kings march—no offense—and was trying to get a little extra shuteye before starting my work week began. Imagine my surp

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