Las Vegas, NV - After a night of shameful, drunken debauchery and all kinds of unspeakable sins, 38-year-old stockbroker Dylan Snyder awoke Monday afternoon in an unfamiliar Vegas hotel room with the consoling knowledge that his future deathbed testimony was going to be that much more amazing. As he unsteadily rose from a pool of his own dried vomit and began to recount the disgusting events he was able to remember from the night before, he reportedly took great comfort in the fact that he would have an even more radical salvation story that would surely be retold for years to come.

"Yeah, it was pretty messed up. God is going to get so much [expletive] glory when I finally repent, as I am on the brink of death. He's lucky to eventually have me on his side, that's for sure," Snyder told s

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