Let's face it: Halloween is only fun if you're a kid. If I had my way, I'd spend the evening at home with all the lights off and a pile of newspapers on the doorstep so nobody thinks there's any free candy to be had.

But I have children of my own, which means I've got to roam the streets with all the other middle-aged walking dead and their spawn. Now I can either do this in the time-honored dad uniform of jeans and quarter-zip sweater, or I can dispense with pretensions to dignity and wear a costume of my own. Years of experience has taught me that option number two is the only way to go.

Investing in a basic theatrical makeup kit can ensure that your costume is at least as frightening as the obsessive amounts of time and energy that clearly went into it.

Look, I hate dressing up for H

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