ATLANTA, GA - CNN, America's bastion of independent journalism, featured every single anchor pooping their pants on air today in a touching show of support for President Biden.

"Our dear hero, the inimitable and faultless President Biden, puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. Then, he poops in them," said Brian Stelter as he assumed the position. "So what, ok? We've all done it. There's such a stigma around world leaders randomly taking a dump in their pants - and today, we here at CNN are going to do something about it. No matter when you tune in today, you will see one of our brave anchors dropping a deuce in their drawers."

The ensuing hours at CNN were noxious but upbeat, as each anchor did their patriotic duty and ratings quickly doubled. The janitorial staf

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