Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

I am having a problem when babysitting my 11-year-old granddaughter, “Jane.”

I babysit occasionally, and whenever I do, she becomes difficult as soon as her mother leaves. She refuses to get dressed, screams at me when I ask her to get ready, slams her door, and then calls her mom, crying about how terrible I am.

Even when the day is planned in advance, there is drama. Her mom tells her to behave, but she does not. Her parents don’t live together, and I see her play one against the other—she has learned to manipulate them. I’m a very chill person and have no conflicts in any other area of my life, but I’m straightforward, and Jane gets mad when sh

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