Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here .

Dear Prudence,

I’m writing because I’m deeply unsettled by something I recently discovered. I’m part of an open and consensual adult community that emphasizes honesty and communication. Recently, I connected with two people in that setting, and everything seemed respectful and mutually agreed upon.

Afterward, however, I learned something that has left me shaken.

The two people I was with are actually related. This information was never disclosed to me, and had I known, I never would have participated. I feel blindsided and violated, even though everything appeared aboveboard at the time. I’m struggling to figure out how to handle this knowledge. Should I confront them? Inform others in the community? Or should I s

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