REYKJAVIK, ICELAND

People around the globe are in crisis today as somebody made public the Internet browsing history of every person on Earth. With a simple search, users can now look up a convenient list of every website visited by any person since the invention of the Internet in the early 90s.

“Oh crap,” said every Internet user simultaneously. “I guess there’s no use clearing my browser history anymore.”

The leak exposed a myriad of information about every person on earth including peculiar hobbies, strange medical conditions, and a veritable buffet of bizarre vices.

“It’s like a repository of the human condition,” said Audi dealer Hans Ziegler of Dusseldorf, whose search for ‘Mennonite mail order brides’ was exposed in the leak. “I’d be really embarrassed except that I found out a

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